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Her behavior was interpreted, in part, as a manifestation of depression and of passive-aggressive anger toward him.Initially Mike was quite resistant in examining his own weaknesses from his family of origin.As Mike worked at forgiving his father and committing himself to act differently, he actually began to feel freer from the weakness which he had acquired from him.Slowly, he grew in his ability to communicate to Helen and during this process, he was able to apologize to her and express remorse for the ways in which he had hurt her by his aloofness.This diagnosis is often made without an understanding of either the family of origin causes of emotionally distant behavior or of the marital conflicts that cause them.We caution wives to never make such a diagnosis of autism without this understanding and without expert consultation from those who understand all the causes of emotionally distant behaviors in marriage.

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This healing process can lead to a strengthening of the romantic aspect of the marriage, marital friendship and betrothed love which in the writing of John Paul II includes sexual intimacy, but primarily is the challenging movement of the heart and mind from "me to we." The most common causes of emotionally distant marital behaviors in our experience are the result of men modeling after fathers who had this conflict and serious damage to the ability to trust caused by the trauma of their parent,s divorce or by a parent's controlling or angry behaviors.The essence of a healthy marital friendship is the ability to give oneself in a trusting manner to one's spouse with deeds, emotions and thoughts and to receive ub a similar fashion.The self-giving checklist below is a measure which attempts to identify conflicts in self-giving to the marital friendship, romantic aspect of the marriage and to marital intimacy.The pain of loneliness, insecurity, mistrust and anger caused by the emotionally distant spouse can intensify over the years of marriage and can lead to a desire to separate or even divorce.Unfortunately, in many marriages there is a failure to honestly discuss and address this weakness in self-giving.

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